i am an unrequited astronomer, pretend patient, gentle adventurer, pedal enthusiast, recovering calligrapher, occasional thespian and unfinished poet living in portland, oregon. contacting me via email is usually a good idea.
sven's laptop is here! it's here! what follows is entirely stream of consciousness and probably not interesting to most people on the planet:
kudos to the apple packaging. matte, not gloss! dented corner, but heaps of styrofoam. checking the label: is this what i ordered? backlight contains mercury. here's the manual. here's a cord, more cords & a disk. alex sings the processional. it's in its plastic fabric sheet thing. important: please read apple licensing ... blah blah blah. whatever. breaking the seal: i should name it the necronomicon (to honor hp lovecraft festival starting today!). it's cold. (and dry, just like he likes his women). pushed the button to open it. another piece of fabric. merrow. hubba hubba. auughhh! auughh! things appearing on screen! full sized keyboard. startup time. oh, it's going to ask me questions & shit now. welcome. vilkomen! the porn soundtrack starts. i don't want to register, don't want that either, u.s., continue, doink. u.s. kb layout. continue. we're going to try skipping this screen. you haven't put in all the required information. shame on me! alex helps him spell his name. more required info. os x account setup. what kind of pretty picture will i use for myself? hey, that's the picture of lightning i used in my video, isn't it? the dragonfly? no, the swirlies in zen garden. "my mind is a spiral dream." earthlink is the best service provider for your mac: well shut yo mouth! time zone. cupertino. where's that? they sent me a computer with the wrong time! what time is it, anyway? oh, it's in army time. it crashed! the big dock. and there's my hard drive. mail and ichat safari sherlock ical, which carl keeps saying good things about. the new & improved itunes. iphoto, yay! msoffice 10: hot diggity fuck! please tell me this isn't an evaluation. ergh. special 30 days. no, i don't want that as my default browser, thank you. i don't want to register. even when you open a new document it says "word test drive" in ghostly lettering on the page. how alien is this? this is... no let's go for something classical: watson, come here, i need you. it knows watson's not mispelled. yes, i'm still in the stone ages: i have to hammer out my letters with a rock. they keep asking, would you like to register for fire but i keep saying no. can i try saving it? okay. where did it go? use sherlock. home documents? nothing funky except not saving it on the desktop like i told them to. okay, let's go to itunes. yes, yes, i agree to all this. based on your answers to a few questions... internet streams: oh, why not. no, ask me before connecting for album info. what's aac? i think i'll add them myself later. moving right along. do you want to go to the itunes music store now? no. in carl's version, you had a little picture. i think i'm going to get used to the fingerpad. in the smaller version i kept opening applications w/ the palm of my hand. alex asks: rollerball option? does anyone want me to open something for the first time just to hear me say, ooo! iphoto. oo, music: minuet in g. iphoto looks cool but i'll have to put things in the machine. that's crazy. alex wants to take digital pix, but battery is dead. oo, ical! there it is. months, yes, it is a happy sven thing! i'm such a calendar person. oo, oh! they fast forward to the last month! it's a time machine! backwards: you've got another week to work on it! info! and searches! that would be handy! drag people to events & invite them! post it bit: what's that mean? that can't be the people; the people have to be the people! oh, todo items! isn't that handy! this is my new best friend. alex compares it to her treo. i haven't gotten used to pda: it only means on thing. it's my grandmother's 86th birthday today: i should call her. microsoft bill gates worships cthulu; how else could he be so powerful? why does bill have to share the same religion as me? i am going to put my hands over the speakers and and... and... and.... and! well, the screen went dim. shows alex backlighting. she's put me under the covers. function keys to adjust the backlights. this is so cool. i'm just overwhelmed. oh, yeah, i've got the superdrive. i can burn dvds, babe. dude. very cool. kind of weird how they have the numeric keypad intergrated into the keyboard. what happens when i push this button? you weren't attached to paraguay, were you? i pushed it and i don't know what it did. i'm going to duct tape this to my chest. or like in snowcrash, become a gargoyle. what's its name what's its name what's its name?